Under Construction- "Road Construction" {part 2 of 3} (Roxy)

Even though the thought of construction (on the road of life) is unpleasant and inconvenient, it is also imperative. Taking something that already exists, uncovering flaws in it, noticing broken foundations that need to be repaired, or bridges that need to be rebuilt seems exhausting. I don’t like any of it literally or figuratively! And here’s the thing about road construction…I don’t know ANYONE who likes it. I can’t name one person who says, “Oh goody! Orange pylons! I was hoping I would have to move out of my favorite lane, put on the breaks, and be forced to drive 30 in a 50 mile per hour zone! I just love a good detour!”

Road construction in this case is really about self-construction. Wearing the metaphorical hard hat just lets people know we are a work in progress. Even though we might appear to have a solid exterior or a smooth foundation, we are fragile underneath. Nothing on our daily path is constantly smooth or perfect; and even if it seems that way for a while, it is bound to change because of all of the daily pressures we endure. The crazy part is that sometimes the pressure doesn’t even come from an outside source weighing us down. It comes from within. That build-up of pressure we place on ourselves adds extra stress which can eventually cause cracks in our foundation and our beliefs.

A few days ago, I felt that build-up of pressure that caused me to do some downshifting. As I was looking at my calendar and my checkbook I came upon a mental roadblock. I was entering important events for the opening of school and setting up bills to be paid online when I began thinking, overthinking, and then doubting my ability to manage all of life’s responsibilities. I was focusing on all of the items that were on the docket in the near future. With the many hats I would soon be wearing, I thought about how stupid I would look if I let even one of them fall off my head. Who would I disappoint? My husband, my children, my friends, my employers, my clients, my students? Myself?

Here come the potholes of doubt...I get caught in them. Every. Single. Time.

I’m going back to the classroom in two weeks. The room isn’t ready. (Heaven forbid my bulletin boards didn’t look like the ones on Pinterest!) My son is starting high school. What if he needs help in algebra or biology, and I can’t remember how to do it? What if he doesn’t get a scholarship? What if his college fund isn’t sufficient?  My husband and I work constantly. We need to find time for each other, and still manage to pay the bills and save for the future. These are not new struggles. And these are not unique to me either.

I feel this way every August. I know it’s coming! It’s just like the freeze and thaw of ice on the Indiana roads that cause the dreaded need for road construction. There are always these little potholes in life. We know they will appear, yet they still seem to come out of nowhere. Most days we drive around them, or embrace the bumps and continue moving forward without much damage. Other times we catch our wheels just right and end up on the side of the road feeling stranded, maybe even helpless.

I have spent some time this summer on the roadside by my own choice. Pulling over for some rest and reflection. Dialing several friends and even a therapist for assistance. And ya know what? I’m glad I did. Pulling over from our daily travels, and wearing the hard hat for a while can be uncomfortable, but it’s worth it. It might make us feel like we look dorky to others, but we don’t. As humans we love to be perceived as strong and dependable; having no bumps, cracks or holes in our foundation. But the truth is, we spend a good percentage of our lives building and rebuilding our belief systems, taking a jack hammer to some old habits, clearing away the debris, and essentially reconstructing our identity over and over again. The goal is to make the ride smooth and enjoyable.

We don’t like road construction because it slows us down or changes our route, and that can be stressful. But one thing worse than a forced “reduction in speed” is an all out breakdown.

So I guess the only choice we have is to slow down and fix a few things on our roads before they cause detours to someplace we never intended to go. Maybe we locate and repair the “potholes” in some existing friendships. We fill those holes by giving attention to a friend who really needs it. Maybe we suffer from rifts in our family. Could those rifts get caulked with patience or filled by granting some forgiveness that has been long overdue? Maybe we have lanes that get crossed within our work/home life. Having a career often means bringing work home with us. What if we just repaint some clear boundary lines?  Then we can stay on course without swerving into the wrong lane upsetting those who share our road.

The more time I spend listening to others; the more I learn that no matter what phase of construction we are in, we aren’t alone. Whether you are building your dream life, remodeling your current living situation, or smoothing some bumps along your road, you are part of a crew. Working to create a smoother ride.