Resolve (Roxy)
January 11, 2018
Some people do their best thinking in the shower. I do my best thinking in one of two places; church or the car. In other words, I’m usually stuck inside my own head at the times I REALLY should to be paying attention to my surroundings. This is why most of my church bulletins have notes I’ve jotted down all over the margins. I ignore my family’s disapproving side glares each time I click a pen into action during Mass. I figure if God didn’t want me to have the idea, He wouldn’t have given it to me at that particular moment. It’s also the reason I have 37 voice notes on my phone. Who knows? One of those ideas that popped up while I was cruising down the road may turn into a future blog post!
My most recent “blog-worthy” thought came during a church service when the priest was encouraging us to consider strengthening our faith as one of our New Year’s Resolutions. I felt like I had already been doing pretty well in that department, so I sort of let my mind wander as he spoke. Being a “word-nerd,” I started to get lost in the word “resolution” which led me to thinking about its word parts “resolve” and “solution.” I scribbled a few ideas down on my bulletin, and when I returned home from church that day, I started looking up the meanings of a few words that I thought would help me set my New Year’s Resolutions. I was fixated on the meaning of resolve, which means - decision or determination. Instantly, I liked the sound of that. I had been feeling so “ho-hum” lately that I was intrigued by the idea of something decided or definite. As I scrolled down the line to synonyms for resolve, I read: INTENTION, BOLDNESS, COURAGE, and WILLPOWER. Yes! Those are all incredibly compelling words.
When I looked up antonyms for resolve, the words listed included: INDECISION, QUESTIONING, and WAVERING; none of which appealed to me. After all, indecision is really the decision to do nothing, and I’m a “do something” kind of gal. Questioning is necessary at times, but it also alludes to a lack of trust, and a lack of faith. While wavering means unsteady or unreliable...Ain’t nobody got time for that! I chose to focus on the positive as I began to make my list of resolutions for 2018.
In 2015 our family lost my mom and my oldest brother. During their illnesses, I neglected my own health for a year while I swung through every greasy drive-thru you could imagine between visiting nursing homes and hospitals. My cholesterol, and my weight were up, but my energy level was down. I had to turn this around! So in 2016, I focused on adding some exercise classes to my weekly schedule - one hour, four days a week. I also worked with a wellness coach and learned to cook healthier food. The focus was on myself and my health. Along with the extra workouts, and the healthy eating, I joined a Bible study. The foundation I laid for my 2016 New Year’s Resolutions included the words “exercise, nutrition, and faith.” A healthier version of myself inside and out, along with a stronger faith seemed like awesome resolutions. And they were, but they were also additions to my day. I had to find a way to make time for this to happen. Kind of like robbing Peter to pay Paul. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was taking away time that could have been spent with my family.
In 2017 my resolutions also placed some additional demands on my time, but I decided this was necessary because my family was part of it. I continued the great habits I started in 2016 and added these resolutions as well:
1. Read with both kids before bed.
2. Get more involved with PTA at my kids’ schools.
3. Start reflecting, and writing down my thoughts.
4. Organize the house. (Um yeah...This never happened. Three out of four isn’t bad!)
I realized that after a couple years of resolutions, my list kept getting longer: exercise, nutrition, faith, education, family, PTA involvement, reflection, organization. I was exhausting myself trying to people please in every one of these areas. I couldn’t live up to my own expectations. I had lots of great ideas, but there were still only 24 hours in each day. Something had to give. In 2017, I did not prioritize my family and closest friends the way I should have, and I refuse to go into 2018 with 2017 problems. So here is what I RESOLVE to do about it. I will focus on these three words: reflection, people, and activities.
The reflection is ongoing. I’m going to start designing and building my 2018 just like Brian and I built our dream home, over 10 years ago. Clear the clutter off the lot. Begin with my non-negotiables, budget my time and energy around those, make a plan, and dig in! When I was browsing through house plan books at age 29, my non-negotiables for our floor plan included a wrap-around porch, a walk-in shower, and a huge kitchen. Anything else was up for discussion. My focus was on THINGS. Shiny things. Expensive things. Things that don’t matter. At this stage in life, my non-negotiables don’t include tangible items at all. This new plan will be built around a foundation of the people I love, and the activities that bring me joy. I’ve started looking all around me and making mental notes. Reflecting with these questions... Who walks into any room and brightens it? Whose voice is it impossible to tune out in a crowd? Whose text gets returned instantly? Who are the people I would drop anything for, not out of obligation, but out of love? Who mentors me and gives me the feeling of safety? Who shares similar values of faith and family? Who calls me out on my behavior when I’m acting like a jerk? And most importantly, who loves me so much they are able to forgive even my harshest words and most thoughtless actions? I don’t know about you, but these are the kind of people I want close to me... And unlike shoes or yoga pants, I don’t need a lot of them.
Along with the people I love are the activities I engage in each day. In the spirit of reflecting, I looked at my calendar and observed how I spent the majority of my time in the past year. I made a list of things I love to do. Then I made a list of things I actually did on a daily basis. These things were not the same. The eye-opening realization was that I was spending a lot of time in a career that’s no longer fulfilling, and a measly ONE hour of quality time each weekday with my family. I was only giving the people I love 4% of my day... and usually it was the tired, cranky 4% that I had left over at the end of the day. I realized that other people’s children, and even strangers, were getting my “good” hours. I’m not okay with that, so it just makes sense that 2018 has to be the year of saying “NO.”
I read this anonymous quote that said, “When things aren’t adding up in your life, start subtracting.” It really spoke to me. Simplify! The 2018 focus will be to eliminate any activity or any relationship from my life that is not healthy or helpful. The activities I choose, including my teaching job, have to be worth the time they consume. Life is too short to live any other way. No more waiting ...Wait Training! My activities have to be centered around my “core four!” This family I prayed for, who lives in the house that we worked for, deserves to have the best version of me. Everyone else can have what’s left. I have been doing this backward for way too long. Not anymore. Effective immediately, I’m focusing on the people and activities I truly love. I would encourage you to do the same. Join me in resolving to make 2018 the best year ever.