Pinterest Boards (Roxy)

When I can’t sleep at night I reach for my phone and go straight to Pinterest. This is not always the best choice because my already reeling mind thinks every idea is a good one, so I start creating Pinterest boards. Some for myself; some for other people. I have been pinning ideas since 2011. 

During quarantine, I decided it was time to examine my Pinterest account and determine which ideas were still “pin worthy” and which ones were no longer relevant. I found a board I hadn’t seen in awhile called Kid Crafts, which was conveniently located after a board labeled Grown-up Drinks. (Sometimes doing one makes the other necessary!)

I looked through recipe boards, and fitness boards, and my favorite board of motivational quotes. I deemed all of those as keepers! Then I laughed as I was reminded of how much I loved spending other people’s money. I noticed the boards I pinned for my sister, Paula, who was designing a house, and a board called Kara’s Cottage that I started when she was remodeling two years ago. I can probably delete those since the buildings are complete. There was a board called Mom that I don’t even remember making. My mom has been gone for 5 years now, so (when I’m feeling ready) that one can probably go too. 

All of the boards I sorted through took me back to when I leafed through magazines as a little girl. I used to cut out photos of cool tech gadgets and wedding dresses, tree houses, and dream houses. These ideas were pasted into binders, so I’d remember them when the time was right. For a time when I wasn’t busy working or running kids to practice. For a time like...quarantine 2020.

In all of the loss that Covid caused, I found a silver-lining in the amount of unstructured time I gained with my family; specifically with my little girl who always wants to do craft projects. I, myself am not crafty. I don’t draw. I hate slime and glitter. And I’m not a fan of making a mess in the kitchen if I can’t eat (or drink) the finished product. Even though I’m not very creative, I do know where to find crafty ideas. So during quarantine I introduced Grace to Pinterest. She was giddy! Her exact words were, “I can’t believe you never showed me this before!”  

Reluctantly, I let Grace take over my phone for a few hours. She created her first Pinterest board on my account simply labeling it, “Grace.” She started pinning her favorite craft projects, and dessert recipes. Introducing Grace to Pinterest was like opening the doors to Narnia. I’m not exaggerating when I say every day during the month of May 2020, Grace woke up and said, “Hey Mom, I know what we can do today! I found this thing on Pinterest…” Typically I would have rolled my eyes and thought about how I didn’t have time for this craft or that project, but the reality was I did have time. 

Grace’s enthusiasm was endearing, and it was contagious too. On days when I would have normally been adulting, she called me out of reality and took me along with her on these projects. Partly because she needed my permission to make a mess, partly because she needed money for supplies, and hopefully because she enjoyed creating things with me as much as I did with her. It was just what we both needed, and despite my normal attitude towards crafts, I found myself having a lot of fun!

During quarantine Grace and I made fizzy bath bombs, lip scrubs, and homemade hand sanitizer. We made our own ring pops, and a version of frozen Butter Beer that would make Harry Potter proud. There were bracelets, and coffee filter crafts, and so many bird feeders I couldn’t keep count. We taped off designs and painted our windows so they would look like stained glass. Brian jumped in on that one-mostly so he could cover the wood trim on the door, which I may have forgotten to do. Grace invited Grayden to our “Pinterest Party.” Before I knew it, we were out of sugar and there was rock candy hanging from strings duct taped to my kitchen cabinets. I didn’t care about the mess. I didn’t mind the origami frogs, butterflies, and paper cranes on the counters either. Whenever we finished one project, one of us opened up Pinterest and scrolled through to find another.

The funny thing about Pinterest is sometimes you don’t know what you’re looking for; it just sort of finds you. I say this because, once again, in my search for crafts, I came across that board called “Mom.” I hesitated to open it because I had no clue what ideas I had saved for my mom on that board. It had been FIVE years! I thought opening that board would make me sad, and I felt a little guilty having so much fun with Grace the past few weeks since my mom wasn’t here to see it. I feel guilty because (to me) having fun meant moving on...without her. I know it has been five years, but grief has no timeline. Grief is just “there,” wherever my mom used to be. I stared at that word Mom on the board until I decided to just open it so then I could delete it. I was guessing I’d see pins of bicycles, pool signs, and flowers for her yard. I might have pinned exercises my mother could do after her knee replacement. Possibly heart heathy recipes since she had a triple bypass, but I did not see any of those.

When I tapped the word “Mom,” I quickly scanned back and forth at a Pinterest board that included only four pins. I saw directions on how to make “inside-out” chocolate covered strawberries, Jell-O shots for kids, a copycat recipe of Chick-fil-a frosted lemonade, and finally a recipe called “Nana’s Homemade Candy.”

This is when I held my breath just for a second. I could feel the chills starting up my arms as I began to understand why I couldn’t remember what was saved on that board. I never made a board for my mother... Grace made it…. For me.
And she must have labeled it for me, too. Mom.

I am Mom. 

Somewhere in the middle of a pandemic, during the unstructured time of a quarantine, I found the perfect mixture of joy, closure, and peace that I had been looking for….on Pinterest.