Priceless Memories (Roxy)

November 16, 2017

You often hear about the circle of life.  Moms and Dads take care of their children. Then the children grow up and take care of their moms and dads.  It sounds simple when you say it that way, but nobody ever tells you how complicated things can get once that circle comes to a close.

Some things you have to learn through experience.  I mean, I know that my parents used to change my diapers, but I never thought that I would actually be returning the favor once they were in their 80’s.  I was wrong.  

I was fortunate in some ways because as my parents got older, they would have conversations with my siblings and me about their final wishes.  We discussed everything from funeral arrangements, to their last will, and even how they hoped we would spend any money they left us.  My mom died almost three years ago and my dad is in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s.  As it goes, the later you get into your life, the more potential there is for health problems to occur.  When there are health concerns, there are medical bills that pile up.  At the same time there are difficult choices that must be made for your parents. Things that you never want to have to think about.  

The hardest decision we had to make was putting my dad in a nursing home.  As we began looking at the cost of in-home care versus an actual facility, we started to take a look at the dollar amounts remaining in my parents’ accounts.  At $9000 a month, money became a serious topic.

This got me to thinking about my father's "net worth".  I looked at the value of his stock portfolio, his bank accounts, and the appraisal on the house.  I was so consumed with the financial concerns, that it didn’t even occur to me maybe money was not the biggest problem here.  It wasn’t about the bills that had to be paid or the inheritance that might run out.  It was about both of my parents being gone. What they left behind (or will leave behind) has so much to do with money, but really very little at all.  It’s about the memories, morals, and life lessons because those held more value than any bank account could possibly contain.  

It’s not about big dollars, shares of stock, or jewelry.  It’s about the little things!  My dad will leave me with little things. And if I ever get this parenting thing right, I will leave little things for my children when I’m gone.  I wonder what they will write about me?

My dad wasn’t really a handy-man, but he could fix anything important with a conversation in the kitchen and a bear hug.  

When I was a little girl we used to tap dance down the aisles of Kroger, mostly to embarrass my mother.  In fact, we did lots of little things to embarrass her; like purposely singing off key in church.  Or pressing our noses up against the glass windows at fancy restaurants while waving to the people inside.  Dad and I thought this was especially funny.  Mom did not.  

In the summer when the sun didn’t set until 9:00 P.M., he would sneak me out of bed  and lift me onto the sissy bar of his bicycle.  I’d still be wearing my nightgown, while he rode us around Rose Park.  He did this just to show me the colors in the sky while “this particular sun” was setting because “there would never be another one like it.”  He’d say,  “Look at that sky, Roxy.  Pink, orange, red, purple. Isn’t it beautiful?”  

He tried to teach me not to get upset over things I couldn’t control, but to appreciate the little things instead.  I’m still working on this.  I’m still angry about things I can’t control.  Like the fact that he has Alzheimer's. The man who has created my fondest childhood memories, can’t keep those for himself anymore.  

It is heartbreaking, and frustrating.  When people ask how my dad is I smile and say that he’s hanging in there.  Or that he has good days and bad days.  But to be honest, I really don’t know how my dad is because he hasn’t been himself in at least two years.  

Even when I am with him, he’s not really present, so I keep distancing myself from him.  I visit the nursing home for shorter and shorter periods each time because it’s easier not to look. Not to watch him fade.  I miss him and I know that things will never be the same, but at least I can be thankful that he gave me some of the greatest memories of my life.  

When we consider how much something is worth, the value of any item always increases depending on the how rare that item is.  In other words, the less there is of something, the more valuable it becomes.  Right now, as I look back at the memories I made with my dad, I realize they are priceless.