Details (Roxy)

February 12, 2018

Blue.  When given the choice, he always wears blue.  Royal, navy, pale-blue, aqua (on occasion), and my personal favorite, midnight.  A pale blue, button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled at his forearms might be worn out on a dinner date.  A navy and white striped Polo tucked into a pair of khakis for church.  A royal blue t-shirt hanging loose over running shorts to the gym.  I didn’t notice how much blue he wore until I shared a closet with him.  You notice a lot about someone after spending a quarter of a century together.  My Brian wears a lot of blue.  

There are countless attributes to notice when you first meet people and observe them. Usually you notice physical appearance, then you look for commonalities and personal interests. After awhile you begin sizing up a person’s choice of words and actions. Sometimes noticing details about a person can be simple, like noticing when he wears a lot of one color. Sometimes traits are buried so deep beneath the layers of someone’s personality it takes years for them to surface. For a writer like me, uncovering these details is like a treasure hunt; the more time you spend with a person, the more details you discover.  

Lately I find myself thinking a lot about friendships and relationships...or maybe just interactions with people in general.  All through life you make friends, but keeping friends is the real challenge.  For me the biggest challenge is dealing with change.  Friendships change. People get married, and they change.  People have children, and they change.  People die, and YOU change.  People move on to other cities and you try to keep in touch, but it’s so damn hard.  

I have this ridiculous, but accurate, “Seven Year Theory” about friendship.  You have grade school friends for 7 years, middle/high school friends for 7 years, and finally college/grad school friends for 7 years.  I joke with my friends that I have a 7 year expiration date on all relationships, and after that...it’s over.  This isn’t on purpose; it’s just an observation.  Most of my friendships have lasted just about 7 years.  Either the friends moved on to the next season of their lives which didn’t include me, or I have uncovered all of their details and move on to someone new.  New observations, new discoveries, new lessons to learn from a new individual. I once heard someone say, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” This is so true!  I love people, and I am especially thankful for my “lifetimers,” but there aren’t many.  Of course, there are a few best friends who have outlasted the 7 year time limit, but for me, the one friend who has stood the test of time happens to be a guy.  And he’s probably wearing a blue shirt.  

So why have I continued being best friends with Brian? Obviously we are committed to each other, and our marriage is a priority.   But it is so much more than that. It’s all about the details.  He seemed so simple when we first met, but somehow I keep uncovering new details about him that I love.  Valentine’s Day seemed like a good time to reflect on these.  

Without a doubt, the first detail I fell head over heels in love with was his smile, and especially his laugh lines.  When I met Brian, he was talking and laughing with a group of girls in the commons area at our high school.  My attention was instantly drawn to the lines around his eyes and above his cheek bones. Most men earned those kind of lines in their thirties or forties - after years of smiling. He was only 15, barely a man. He had this sweet smile and boyish charm, but there was just something I loved about those laugh lines.  They gave him a distinguished appearance. (Great smile... Check!)  

I had no idea who this new kid was, but I couldn’t wait to find out.  My friends described Brian as this quiet guy who came from Catholic school.  (Catholic? Me too! This was important.) None of the girls really knew him, but he seemed like an athlete, or at least, he looked like one.  Shortly after my obsession with his laugh lines, I began noticing his t-shirts too.  His shirts had this way of clinging to his muscles.  He was thin, but strong and his triceps were exposed when he carried his gym bag down the hallway at school.  I quickly learned that he was a varsity wrestler which explained his physique. (Same religion...Check!  Athletic...Check!)

I loved the way Brian slid his pencil behind his ear when he wasn’t using it.  It was dorky, but adorable.  He didn’t care what anyone thought about him.  This is another quality I found appealing.  He was his own person.  Plus, with a pencil behind his ear and the muscles under his shirt, he sort of reminded me of a cross between Handy Smurf and Hefty Smurf.  Now that’s hot!  

When we started spending time at each other’s houses, I noticed how Brian took time to chat with my mom.  He went out of his way to compliment Mom on the new decorations she put up or the food she cooked.  I loved this because it meant that he paid attention to detail too.  He was respectful and engaging, always popping his head into my dad’s office to say hello and ask him how his day was.  When he called my house, he sometimes talked to my dad for a few minutes before even asking for me.  His friendly demeanor impressed my parents, but his own parents were his biggest fans.  They were always spending time with him and enjoyed cheering for him at wrestling meets.  I noticed the way he ran errands for them without complaint.  He would cancel his plans to help his mom and dad at their restaurant.  Family was a priority, and that was attractive!  He had a routine of visiting his grandma every Friday before he went out with his friends.  His sense of family was strong before we started dating. This was maybe the most appealing of his character traits.

Once Brian officially asked me to be his girlfriend, we started having study dates.  We sat at my dining room table and he worked equations while I pretended to focus on my own assignments. Homework time meant more time for me to study my new favorite subject... Brian. I was on the hunt for more details.  As I watched him, it was easy to pick out the qualities that made me love him.  Like the way he tapped his pencil eraser on his book when he was thinking.  Or the way his jaw rotated in a circular motion when he chewed his gum.  In my mind, he was already a good kisser.  But I had to wait a while to find out because he was also a gentleman.  We stayed in the “hug phase” of our relationship for much longer than I had hoped.  But he did give the greatest hugs; still does.  My favorite part about hugging Brian was the way my hands fit perfectly into the muscular curves of his lower back.  And each time I hugged him goodbye, I found myself not wanting to let go. If we weren’t studying together after school, we were talking on the phone. We could talk for hours and I never wanted that feeling to end. Just like when we hugged, I found myself not wanting to let him go. I loved every detail about that boy...always have!

Brian gets better with age.  The laugh lines he had at age 15 are even more attractive at 40. He still has a love for sports and keeping active, but more importantly his faith has grown stronger than ever.  His kind heart and love of family still take us to his grandma’s house a few times each month, only now... our children tag along.  His patience is unfailing.  His love for me is undying.  He gives me comfort, joy, and friendship every day.  All of these details make me love Brian more now than I did then.  Those details are so important, but the one area of life I appreciate more now than anything is the fact that he is the best parenting partner I could ask for.

I realized this the other night as Brian was leaning over the table helping Grayden with his science project. He was engaged, all in, and making science fun for our son.  As I was scoping him out, I noticed a detail that opened up a whole new world of sexy.  It wasn’t his dress pants that were belted in around his waist, or the fitted, collared shirt he was still wearing from church earlier that day(although he did look GOOD).  It wasn’t the way his pencil still rested behind his ear like it did in high school, or the way he smelled amazing in the cologne I bought him.  It wasn’t the classy look of his silver watch on his left wrist that made him so attractive in this moment... It was what he wore on his right wrist that melted my heart.  I couldn’t help but giggle as I looked at him.  From head to toe, he was perfectly put together, with the exception of his right wrist which donned a beaded bracelet.  Pink, orange, white, red, yellow, black, green, purple, and of course his favorite color, blue.  They were strung on lime green yarn, and held together with a Scotch-tape clasp made by our daughter.  She attended to every detail and patterned those beads just right trying to make it fit her daddy’s wrist.  And even though it was itchy, oversized, and oddly patterned, he wore it with so much pride. I just shook my head because I couldn’t seem to stop smiling at him. I loved him so much for wearing that silly bracelet.  

I’ll admit it, when I first met Brian it was his physical appearance that drew me in.  But as we got to know each other it was all about the man he was becoming and continues to be today. Falling in love with Brian was easy.  Knowing him on the inside, down to his core, makes it impossible not to keep falling in love with him even more.

Marriage and relationships are hard.  It takes effort to keep them alive. But taking the time to uncover the details can make all the difference.  You just have to look.

Happy Valentines Day!