Happy Anniversary (Roxy)
November 13, 2017
Kara and I first starting writing back and forth about three months ago. Short text messages became lengthy, and we joked about our conversation bubbles being the best form of therapy. Cheaper than a shrink! You don’t know loss and love until you have lived it, right? Her husband Drew died unexpectedly, while my mom, Margie suffered the slowest death you could imagine. We still can’t decide which is worse; to say goodbye 1,000 times, or never at all. Either way, it just felt better...to talk about it with someone who could empathize.
Before we decided to make our writing public, Kara insisted that we have a “Why?” I guess my “Why?” is two fold.
To help others know they aren’t alone whether their feelings are from loss/grief, anxiety, or just stress of everyday life.
To make my mother proud. My mom loved me no matter what, but when I was growing up she was insanely happy when I was sharing my writing, or dancing on stage. My tap shoes haven’t fit in a while... so this piece is for her.
Three months before my mother died, my parents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. Margie and Jim got married on November 13, 1954. It would have been 63 years today. I guess that makes it a good day to blog about the life they shared. Was it perfect? No. Was it amazing? I think so.
My father graduated from Washington High School, played football, and worked picking peppermint in the fields for his summer job each year. He met my mother at a dance, dated her for six months and then popped the question. Mom said she was first attracted to my dad because of his shiny shoes. Dad said, my mom looked “smart” in her yellow sweater. Love that!
Dad only had one brother, while my mom was the last of five children. She played the cymbals in her family orchestra, and sang along with several bands. She was a cheerleader at Mishawaka High School, and she married my father at age 21.
They had Mike, Kim, and Jamie all within six years. Five years later, Pete and Paula were born, and 12 ½ years later, I interrupted everything. With six children and 13 grandchildren there are a lot of personalities, talents, interests, strengths and shortcomings, but to my mother...We were all perfect! And no matter what happened in our own lives everything was okay... because we were loved by her.
My parents loved sports! Mom continued her cheerleader job well into her late 70’s. She had children and grandchildren who knew without a doubt when she was in the bleachers at their events. Although her hands were small, her applause was louder and stronger than everyone else’s put together. Today I feel like I’d give anything to have her put her hands together to give me her approval one more time. To let me know that I am honoring her; to let me know that I can still be a good mom to my own kids even though my number one role model is gone.
Margie was my role model, but Jim was my idol and most trusted adviser. We used to talk for hours in the kitchen at night. He suffers from Alzheimer’s disease now, so our conversations are a thing of the past and I celebrate the little victories...like when he remembers my name. Things are so different than they were three years ago.
We sold my childhood home this past year. I will remember the refrigerator in that home more than anything else. Not because of the delicious Italian food inside, but because of the several quotations on the door. I love quotes! One always stood out to me. It reads, “Our children are living messages we send to a time and place we may never see.” I’m pretty sure it was my mother’s favorite.
So in the spirit of that quote, I promise to live out the most positive of my mother’s messages and carry them with me wherever I go. I believe Mom’s living message was one of hospitality, faith, honesty, loyalty, generosity and love. As I continue to live in a “time and place she will never see,” I pray that I may pass her message on to others and surround myself with people who do the same.