Sandbox (Roxy)

When you think back to your childhood, what are your best memories? I can recall when I was about four or five, my dad built a sandbox for me. Although he was not a handyman, Dad managed to construct a 5x5’ wooden box that kept me busy for hours. It was simple; made from plywood and two by fours. He fastened four wheels to the bottom of this box making it easily mobile.

On sunny days when he was at work, Mom and I rolled the sandbox out of the garage into the driveway. I pushed the sand around while she lathered on Bain de Soleil SPF #4 and lounged in a chair next to me, usually reading a romance novel. It was downtime for both of us. At night, we rolled it back inside the garage, so no stray cats used my play-place as a litter box. It was filled with silica sand; clean and white like the kind that slips through an hourglass. I didn’t realize how useless silica sand was because it was the only kind of sand I knew existed. I played for hours never producing a thing.  

Turns out this was a GOOD thing, because without much opportunity for production, I was able to relax and use my imagination while the time passed. My favorite toys were the old pots, tarnished ladles, and metal strainers passed down to me whenever my mom updated her kitchen tools. These became pretend cooking utensils, scoops, and sifters. Some days I would make “soup” and offer it to my mom which she lovingly fake-ate, saying things like, “More garlic, please,” or “Maybe a little less pepper in your next batch.” Other times I would run my fingers through the sand for what seemed like hours, sifting out cups one at a time, finding little pebbles or bugs that didn’t belong  and flicking them out into the yard or driveway. At a preschool age, I loved this peaceful time. But today, as an adult, when I think about a leisurely, “unproductive day,” my skin crawls and my heart races. Seriously! I am teaching myself to relax, but it’s a struggle. What on earth would happen if I didn’t have a “To do” list to check off?

My childhood was filled with dance lessons, bike riding, roller skating, swimming, and all kinds of organized sports, so I’m pretty sure my mom rolled the sandbox out as a form of therapy for me. She was trying to teach me to relax. It worked too, because I found it to be quite soothing. Climbing into my childhood sandbox gave me the chance to hit the reset button,  if you will.

Some things never change. Fast forward 35 years.

Recently, some of our best friends asked us to take a trip with them over Spring Break. My gut reaction was to say, “Nah! Spring Break is the week that I usually clean and organize the house.… I’m not big on traveling.... Brian has to work... We have the dog to worry about.” But for some reason I didn’t use any of those excuses. Instead I said, “OK, sounds good!” It was so easy. I wrote a check to rent half of a villa in South Carolina. B-man took off work for an entire week. My nephew and sister looked after our dog. We hopped in the minivan and headed south.

After a 15-hour drive, I found myself at Hilton Head Island, where I rediscovered a much needed (and very large) sandbox right there on the beach. My dad didn’t build it, but it brought back fond memories of him. Everything does. My mom wasn’t watching over me from her lounge chair, taste testing “sand soup,” but I somehow felt her presence as I collected buckets of water from the Atlantic Ocean while helping my own daughter mold a family of sea turtles(sand turtles). I guess it’s no surprise that I found peace in the same place I always did... in the sand.

Only the sand in this “great big sandbox” was quite different from the sand I played in when I was a kid. This sand was packing sand, the kind you molded together... and it stayed. The kind you could make things with! Had I actually found a way to relax and “be productive” at the same time?

I must confess, the first of my sand creations was the simple molding of the letters “R-E-A-D” which my husband took a picture of so I could post it to my class website. I jumped at an opportunity to feel productive while on vacation by encouraging my students to pick up a book over spring break. Grace made a book to go under the word “READ,” and Brian and Grayden added a sand sculpture of a roadrunner (my school’s mascot) above the word “READ.” It looked amazing!  Our friends, Karla and Steve, relaxed as they watched from their beach chairs as we sculpted, scraped, packed, and smoothed the sand. I knew my family couldn’t be still for very long. After seeing the impressive roadrunner, Grace cocked her head at me with a twinkle in her eye which clearly said, “Girls Vs. Boys!” and this is when a friendly competition began.

We started scooping together clumps of wet sand to create sea turtles. A whole family of them! Using stray sticks we scraped out letters in the sand encouraging beach-goers to “Save the Turtles - Recycle!” We wrote our names under the family of turtles, so all of the tourists would know we were the artists responsible for this masterpiece. Our turtle family was adorable, but it was definitely overshadowed by the huge octopus Brian and Grayden soon built. Their creation was impressive to say the least! Total strangers asked to take pictures of the giant eight-legged animal created by my husband and son. We had a fun and relaxing day together playing in the sand on the beach.

But I must say, the next morning Grace was very disappointed to find the tide had washed away our turtles and the rest of the sand creatures. So we started again, a little further away from the water. This time Brian and Grayden built a large sand crab with pointy claws. Grace and I attempted to “one-up” them with a mammoth sand shark roughly eight feet in length. We did it too! At least, we thought our shark was a success until someone strolled by, stared for a minute, and said, “Nice dolphin!” That was a little annoying, but we still had a great time.

In order for us to have this great time together, we had to let some other things go. We had to get away from our responsibilities, power down our cell phones, and let the “To do” list wait until later. My family of four spent a week together without a care in the world. No agenda, no appointments, no clients, no students, no practices, no rehearsals. We literally woke up each morning and made our plans based on the weather. On the cool days we shopped the outlet malls or played board games inside. We introduced Grayden and Grace to the Jetsons cartoon and the classic version of the movie The Parent Trap. On warmer days, we gravitated toward the beach where we played, splashed and built sand creatures for hours on end. I never spent much time playing in “beach sand” when I was a kid, so I took this as an opportunity to find my inner child. Turns out it’s when we are childlike that we learn the best life lessons.

Over the past week, we rode tandem bikes. We kayaked. We played mini-golf. We shared inside jokes. Despite the seven year age span between Grayden and Grace, they acted like best buddies playing and laughing together. I know they love each other, but it became pretty evident from my observations this week, they also LIKE each other, and they like us too. I think Brian and I might be doing something right! When I think back to my own childhood, my best memories are the ones that included SPENDING TIME WITH MY PARENTS. I hope my children will say the same thing one day.

So here’s the lesson I learned this week that I’d like to share with others...

We will never have wonderful family memories unless we prioritize the time to make some.