... Wait Training

Surely we can't be the only ones who have loved, lost, prayed, and persevered through difficult times.  This space is created as a sounding board where we can reflect, respond, and remember the best loves in our lives.  Love.  We give it; we receive it, and that's all we can really do.  Our "why" if you will, is to connect with people through our personal experiences, and encourage individuals to share their own stories- creating a ripple effect of self-expression, connection, comfort, and healing.  Sometimes the hardest part of being a human being is the "being" part.  Taking time to be still and reflect on what you're going through is more challenging than the busy act of living life itself.  The blog name comes from the writers' attributes. Kara and Roxy, both of whom are active individuals: teachers/wives/mothers/fitness trainers/and writers at heart.  We are impatiently waiting for life's progress at times, but constantly training ourselves to improve in this department.  Join us on our journey.  Welcome to... 

"...Wait Training" 

"It comes down to love..." (Kara)

So here I go...where it leads I do not know

The only reason I am blogging is because I love to write, and I think I have learned a few things in 45 years.

Two years ago September 5, 2015 my life, as I knew it, was obliterated.

My husband of 20 years was killed in a car accident. It burns inside me and I feel sick to my stomach even when I type that. It is disgusting. It is unfair. It is wrong.

But the fact remains...Drew is gone.

There is no starting point because there is no ending.

I try desperately to make sense of something completely senseless. I will never have answers to the questions I feel will complete me. I am on a journey of faith and maybe sharing it will help someone, somewhere. If not, I am not certain there is much of a point to any of this.

I have forever tried to find a deeper meaning to life, what is my purpose? How will I leave my mark?

I think I learned early on that what you are "supposed" to do in life is live your dream. You have a dream and you spend your life or the majority of your life, working to see it come true. But what if that isn't how your life turns out? What if you struggle to find that one, big dream? What if the dreams you thought you had are taken from you?

I am learning about grief and I hate that I have to. I never wanted to know as much about it as I do. Maybe what I've learned most of all about grief is that it is eternal. I did not comprehend this before.

And yes...there is a before and after. For me, it is before the accident and after the accident. My old and this life.

I heard Marianne Williamson, a spiritual teacher, say that once you experience grief you have x-ray vision into other peoples' pain. This is ridiculously true. You do not know until it happens to you. That is not to say that you don't have sympathy or empathy for others going through struggles. I distinctly remember hearing about women losing their husbands. Unfortunately I am somewhat surrounded by a number of women who have experienced this loss. But I recall learning about each one of these situations and I felt beyond terrible. I remember calling my sister and saying what the hell, why does this happen? What are these women going to do? I was truly affected and struck by these losses.

I prayed and still pray for these families. I made a vow to myself that my family would pray for them always. That seemed like something I could do. They weren't really my friends. I think I maybe wrote them a note to let them know I was thinking about them.

My heart was heavy for them. And though it "affected" me and my life...it didn't really. I didn't know then what I know now.